The Crossword Puzzle

  

              First year grad student life in K-State almost end. Pretty insane year.But numerous awesome memories that enrich my life experiences. I've grown a lot and really amazed at what i have accomplished so far. And i am really grateful to meet so many wonderful people who are always there for me to offer help and inspiration.Thank you guys for being in my life.

 

 

       Life is like a research. The plans you make and the dreams you desire for  the furture are just like the hypotheses and assumptions you make in the research, waiting to be proved after emperical examination. It is such a thrilling process to make hypothese, coz you are expecting the data you collect later will turn out to support your hypothese. In life, we always get excited thinking about our dreams might come ture one day in the furture. However, the hypothese might be heartlessly rejected and the research might turn out to be a joke with no "statistically significant" findings. Likewise, our ambitious dreams and seemingly glamerous life plans might also encounter cruel rejections and even ridicule in reality, ultimately fade away as time goes by. In research, if you didn't find anything significant, you can still write a paper about it and tell other people that this topic is not worth digging any more, which might still be considered as a major contribution. Yet , when it comes to the failure in life, do we have the guts to tell people that i am a loser and whatever i have done make no sense?Or we just suck it up and cry ourselves a river in the corner without anybody knowing?I couldn't help but wonder, it is easy to prove the hypothese wrong in the research, but in life, is it also that easy to prove ourselves wrong? Or our nature drives us to seek justifcations to defend for ourselves and make the mistakes seem acceptable?

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              I saw Britney's pictures on Glamour Feburary issue. She looks amazingly stunning and gorgeous, most of all, naturally beautiful. She hasn't have that innocent and unmannered smiles for years. She said during the interview that she's been through hell and back in recent 2 years, but she pulled it off in the end. She came back as a strong, confident and elegant woman, meanwhile a capable and nuturing mother.

            It is incredibly difficult to imagine what she has been through over these crazy years. She got a nasty divorce with her freeloader husband, she lost custody over her children, she' s been caught wearing no panty under the mini-skirt, she was sent to rehab by force, she looked like crap when her weight skyrocketed and she suffered from significant depression and emotion breakdown.

           She is a pop diva that the whole wide world adore her hotness and sexiness, yet meantime she was always the target of jealousy.She's been called bitch and whore, she's been harshly criticized on the newspaper, radio,magazine and national television and she's been chased by Paparazzi all around the world. Oh, man, no wonder she was acting like a crazy bitch all these years coz we drove her insane, we audience, media and society are the murders holding her head banging against the wall brutally. It ain't easy to be britney spears at all!I strongly believe not any guys can take on that much pressure as she does.

         However, she survived out of all these unbelieveable obstacles. She becomes a stronger woman with greater inner strength and faith now. Nothing and nobody can bring her down right now coz she has the power to defeat all the difficulties. Her new album circus is smash-hit that wins incredible popularities. Britney,you are good to go, girl!

       Her experience suddenly dawned on me that women are like teabags you never know how strong they are until you put them in the hot water. We women, if pushed to the limit, can be as strong as men mentally,psychological and even physically. Therefore, don't let the biased stereotyped concept that women are passive, fragile, vulnerable and physically incapable get in our way to accomplish our goals and dreams. And when we stumble in real life, don't get freaked out, we should pick ourselves up and keep on walking. It doesn't matter how we mess it up as long as we keep counting!

 

 

 

               Needless to say, there is a fine line between genders, either man or woman, you've got to pick one. However, in reality, we are getting more and more used to cross-gender behaviors. Girls don't have to be like fancy-finger-nails-shimmy-shimmy-lip-gloss barbies. Instead, they can be obsessed with toy soldiers or guns, they can be engaged in intense and aggressive sports, they can wear pants and big t-shirt without any makeups. And we call these girls look and behave like guys tomboy, actually they are kind of popular nowadays. It's completely ok for girls to cross the gender line and act like guys. Nevertheless, it's enormously unacceptable for guys to cross the gender line and act like girls. The demonstration of slightest feminine quality would absolutely put guys in a very undesirable positions being harshly judged by other people. If guys take good care of their looks and dress fashionably, they are called metro, which is hated by many guys. They asserted that there was nothing wrong if they wanna make sure they look good and keep up with fashion in public, then why they deserve this sissy and gay name? Yup,that makes sense.Who said guys should be immune to fashion?Who said guys were masculine if they look like crap with dirty hair and unwashed shirts?

        There are way too many socially contructed rules that regulate our behaviors, that shape people's perceptions, values and attitudes when judging others.  Those rules are just like invisible obstacles that hinder us from being the person who truly wanna be. Yet, if we wanna survive in this insanely constructed society, we have to play by the rules, from time to time.

 

  New York women are excessively exposed to fashion,

  They never allow themselves look like a polar bear in winter,

  They wanna keep warm and at the same time look fabulous and stunning.

  Popular winter look:

  Mini Skirt+Boots/high heels+ Black legging+ leather Jacket/Long nylon Jacket

  Shorts + long boots/high heels+ shiny black or grey legging+short nylon Jacket

  Skinny Jeans+ high heels+ long sweater+long coat

  medium-long black skirt (high waist)+ wide belt+ high heel boots+light color sweater+long coat

  It's very important for new york women to demontrate their body shape even in winter.

  Hence, they show their long legs wearing tight leggings and skinny jeans and high heels.

  They walk fast, step rhythm out of heels and let their big sexy hair flow in the air.

  They always look straightforward without wondering around.

  They strut down the fifth avenue,

  They go through numerous revolving doors of desinger store,

  They look for romantic relationships in big apple

  And they look for labels to live a glamorous life.

  They work, they pay tax, they travel and they shop.

  They wear exquisite evening gowns to attend all kinds of social activities,

  Broadway shows, fashion shows, restaurant openings, charity cases, exhibitions and etc.

  New York women are spoiled by the endless choices and resources at hand.

  They live in a little piece of heaven and never think of their lives outside of the big apple.

  

When i close my eyes, i am in the paradise                                                                                               

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Sitting in the Starbucks, sipping my Latte, all alone.

Hundreds of familiar songs stuffed my ears over and over again, i feel empty.

Watching a brunch of girls chatting happily and laugh loudly, i miss my friends.

The weather is getting chilly, the trees turned yellow, red and orange.

People start to wear gloves and thick scarf, but their bright smiles dissipate the coldness.

The waiter said to me, "Hey,What's up girl?" his voice like the warm sunshine in early fall.

The world around me is crazy spinning, i am still in the center.

A funny movie made me laugh to death, yet i had no clue why tears all over my face when it ended.

In this particularly sentimental season, we are supposed to be embraced by familiar things and people.

But, i am surrounded by exotic things, people and views. Most of all, solitude.

I'm falling, like the leave, half yellow half red, drifting in the wind......

  

 

 

 

      当听到sam的声音时我已经激动得说不出话了，这是6年后的第一通电话。虽然我们中间隔着一望无际的太平洋，虽然因为种种原因我们没能一直联系。但6年后的今天，我们无意间在美国同一个州，同一个小镇，同一个学校相遇。。。。这是怎样的缘分啊！！电话那头的sam兴奋无比，叫到声音嘶哑，呵呵，还是那么可爱。。。我们都觉得这简直是不可思议~~

      记得当年我和sam认识的时候，sam只有17岁，而我只有16岁，她有着阳光般灿烂的笑容，说起话来像一个快乐无比的洋娃娃。海滩，阳光，棕榈树和教堂组成了我们共同的回忆画面。如今，sam已经结婚了，但她还是当年那个笑靥如花，热情豪爽，活泼俏皮的sam。她的丈夫zach也拥有孩子般天真可爱的性格，刚从墨西哥度完蜜月回来的他们还沉浸在蜜罐中。

      sam比原来更快乐了，热情高涨地将我介绍给她的每个朋友，一遍又一遍乐此不疲地重复着我们相遇的奇迹故事，然后又陪伴我去了n个地方买各种各样琐碎的东西。6年后在没有任何约定的情况下见到朝夕相处了2周多的美国朋友，这样的巧合在我的人生旅程中还真是第一次。人生就是这样，没有人能预见将来能发生什么，会有什么巨大的惊喜或挫折在等待着你，也许正是这种未知才使人生更加充满期待吧。

 

 

 

   越来越闷热的天气，什么事情也不想做

   重感冒缠身，又有一大堆事情要做

   改论文、准备签证、等待录取通知书平安地寄到。。。。

   现在的我

   只想听着欧洲女爵士歌手慵懒地哼出随心所欲高低起伏的小调

   然后大口大口地喝下滚烫的咖啡

   读backpackers的欧洲游记随笔

   或是看一部温馨精致的小电影

   再或坐在一张可以摇晃的藤椅上，

   望着缠在铁架上开得绚烂的紫红色蔷薇

   小小的花瓣在夏天的暖风中翩翩起舞。。。。

   ok,back to the reality,work!

 

  

  

 

       

   Angles never sorrow

 

Another night in the darkness.

The solitude penetrate my soul like the drifting snowflakes.

I know from the bottom of my heart that I finally learn to make decisions, bravely and firmly.

And I finally learn to forgive, to compromise.

It’s incredibly tough, yet my heart is incurably torn.

Angles never sorrow.

Even if they lost their wings, in the dreams, they use their increasingly lightened bodies, to soar.

 

 

 A little mermaid

 

I’m dying to dance for you,

But dear, I couldn’t sing for you,

I waited, waited for the sunset till dusk,

To light up your gentle gaze.

 

My prince, oh my prince,

I’ve witnessed too many daybreaks.

 

I lost my tail, I lost half of my life.

How can I return to the bottom of sea?

Return to the warm embrace of my mother.